Thursday, February 7, 2013

Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement by Kay Wills Wyma


This book is about a specific aspect of parenting problem called entitlement or a me-first syndrome or the narcissism epidermic that is so prevalent among children today. Each chapter focuses on one skill that the author felt her children should learn. To be honest, I actually do not really enjoy reading this book. I find this book to be too long-winded. Nonetheless, there are a few pertinent points that I would like to highlight. I wholeheartedly agree with the author that, in her own words, "In truth, however, my real responsibility as their mother (or father) is to teach, not to handle tasks for them. I need to help these kids tackle tendency toward untidiness (or any other undesirable habit of your child) before it becomes a permanent fixture in their lives. Determined that necessary life lessons will be learned, I decide to stifle my laissez-faire flair and strategize the best way to instigate order, introduce work, and inspire commitment - a real, life-altering commitment. In short, a habit." She allow her children to learn some things by the hard way. For example, she says in the same chapter 1 that she would rarely run to her child's rescue if he stands too near the edge of a height because if she catches him every time he steps off, he will expect her to be there every time.

One of the tips that the author shared, which I find would be helpful is the use of a jar filled with 31 dollar bills and a task that had to be completed every day. If the task wasn't completed and properly, the child would lose a dollar for that day.

The other thing I liked is the chapter on Task 11 - service with a smile. As she says poignantly, the neat thing about people who incorporate service into their daily lives is that either do not talk about or they do it without realizing it as the more they serve, they more they realize it is not serving at all. IT has become a way of life, or a lifestyle. She quotes Martin Luther King JR as saying: "The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: 'IF I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' But the good Samaritan reversed the question: 'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" Indeed, serving forces our eyes off ourselves. And when eyes are focused outward, inward health is restored.

(Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this e-book free from WaterBrook Press as part of their Blogging for books program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”)

Book review: 20,000 Days and Counting The Crash Course For Mastering Your Life Right Now by Robert D. Smith


This little book by Robert Smith is really a common sense book about beating procrastination and start living life as if everyday is a last day for us on earth.  This book reminds us that we are always, very literally, only one step away from dying, from meeting our Creator face to face. Any moment. Any day. Anywhere. Consequently, there is a need to always ask ourselves the question of what is our purpose of life here. As Robert says:
“..... I felt a pressing desire to accomplish these little things—make a phone call, write a letter, research an idea—as soon as they occurred to me. I constantly asked myself, What is important now? What is next? I could never escape those two questions as they spun around in my mind. To this day, those same two questions keep me up late, get me up early, and create a never-ending quest of enormous possibilities and accomplishments. In truth, I never really want to be finished, though I am aware that one day, it will all end. But not yet.”
As Robert alluded that there is no thought that will purge our priorities of worthless and worldly tastes like the thought of our impending death. Daily pondering of the kind of life we would like to look back on when we come to die helps us to re-focus our priorities daily. The thought of imminent death helps clarify our purposes, a rearranging of what really matters. A good example would be testimonies of people having near-death experiences and then making radical changes in their lives.

The Bible says:
  • So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.  (Psa 90:12 NKJV)
  • "LORD, make me to know my end, And what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches, And does not know who will gather them. (Psa 39:4-6 NKJV)
  • For who knows what is good for man in life, all the days of his vain life which he passes like a shadow? Who can tell a man what will happen after him under the sun?  (Ecc 6:12 NKJV)
  • He comes forth like a flower and fades away; He flees like a shadow and does not continue. (Job 14:2 NKJV)
However, the reason why most people are unable to live with this mentality of living as if today is the last day is that it’s tough. It takes discipline, patience, and even courage because it requires you to live in a way that is contrary to how the majority of people around you are living their lives.



Nonetheless, Robert also reminds us that it is the little things that add up to the big picture. Do not wait for impending death to light the fire of action inside yourself. Act today. Start small. There are opportunities hiding in the “day-to-day.”

We may not always feel motivated to live purposefully; however, psychologist William James (as quoted in the book) believed that "we don’t sing because we’re happy; we’re happy because we sing."
Sing while you do something, and infuse it with joy. It beats waiting around for inspiration any day.

Robert listed seven generic reflection questions that we can use regularly to help us focus our priorities regularly:

  1. Whose life am I going to brighten today? 
  2. What three things am I most grateful for today?
  3. What memories am I going to create today?
  4. What challenge am I going to overcome today?
  5. What value am I going to create today?
  6. How much joy can I create for others and myself today?
  7. What life-changing decision(s) am I going to make today?
Bonus Question (just to cover all the bases): What question am I not asking yet today?”


(Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this e-book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”)

Friday, February 1, 2013

Book review: Deep and Wide by Andy Stanley


In Deep & Wide, author and pastor Andy Stanley identifies some of the key decisions and strategies behind the founding of North Point Community Church in 1995, describing how and why it continues to flourish. Although this book is specifically about the stories of how God worked to propel the movement of the church through the six locations and the 25 strategic partners of North Point Community Church in Atlanta, GA, there are some important principles that Andy laid out that we can all learn regarding church growth, particularly creating church movement that unchurched people love to attend.

In chapter 3, he explains how the word 'church' is really translated from the Greek word 'ekklesia' - which is actually not a religious term, but rather, simply refers to citizens called to gather for civic purposes. An 'ekklesia' was simply a gathering or an assembly of people called out for a specific purpose.'Ekklesia' never referred to a specific place, only a specific gathering.

He then elaborates the historical background of how throughout the years, our concept of church has changed from a specific assembly to become a specific assembly hall! In AD 313, Constantine, soon to be the next Roman emperor, embraced and legalized Christianity in Roman empire. In general, he even legalized freedom of religion. Before this edict, Christianity had been outlawed because Christians insisted that Jesus, not the emperor, was their King. Furthermore, Christians refused to accept any emperor as divine. Consequently the church suffered intense persecution for the first 300 years of its existence, especially during the reigns of emperors Nero, Domitian and Diocletian. Christians were barred from positions of authority, ostracized by their communities and stripped of property.   But with the arrival of Constantine, things began to change.  It all began when Constantine's power grew, tolerance for Christianity grew as well. Then something big happened! Constantine declared himself a Christian. (For a detailed description on how Constantine became a Christian, read http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/131christians/rulers/constantine.html). It is as if, after generations of failed attempts to stamp out this Jewish knock-off religion centered around a Galilean carpenter, the emperor himself joined the cult. Suddenly, it became fashionable to be Christian.  Before Constantine's rise to power, Christian worship was relatively informal. Believers met in homes, enjoying what they called "love feasts", the ancient equivalent of a potluck banquet, singing hymns, reading Scriptures, discussed theology, etc.

After Constantine's conversion, powerful people brought their former notions of worship with them as they professed belief in Christ and began influencing Christian communities. Christian worship began to incorporate elements of imperials protocol, including incense, ornate clothing, processionals, choirs, etc. Within a decade, the ekklesia ceased to be a movement. It was no longer an expanding group of people sharing a unique identity and purpose. It has become a location. The Romans called each of these gathering places a basilica, the Latin word used to denote a public building or official meeting place. Gothic (or Germanic) cultures, also influenced by Christianity, used the word kirika, which became kirche, in modern German - the word that means "house of the lord", to refer to any ritual gathering place, Christian or pagan.

The German term kirche and the Greek term ekklesia refer to two very different ideas. A kirche is a location. An ekklesia is a purposeful gathering of people. You can lock the doors of a kirche. Not so with the ekklesia of Jesus. What began as a movement, dedicated to carrying the truth of Jesus Christ to every corner of the world, had become an insider-focused, hierarchical, ritualized institution that bore little resemblance to its origins. This shift led to an era of church history that can only be described as horrific. The atrocities carried out in the name of the church would be considered terrorism by modern standards. Hypocrisy draped itself in priestly robes.

In 1453, the Ottoman Empire conquered Constantinopole - the capital of Roman empire. What was seen as a tragic turn of events for the empire turned out to be a blessing in disguise for the true church. As the threat of an Ottoman invasion materialized, Christians scholars fled westward to Europe, carrying with them ancient Hebrew and Greek manuscripts of the Bible.

These manuscripts were then picked up by the reformers, especially by a man called John Huss, who were of the conviction that the Bible, not the pope, was to be the church's final authority. This is because at that time, church officials were the only ones who had access to the Bibles - which were a Latin translation called the Vulgate, originally created more than a thousand years earlier! These were either locked up in libraries or chained to the pulpits. As Greek and Hebrew manuscripts found their way into the hands of church reformers, it was decided that they should be translated into a language that common people could read. In 1522 William Tyndale determined to translate the Bible into English. However, finding no support in England, he traveled to Germany, where he completed his translation from the Greek rather than the Latin texts. In 1526, Tyndale began smuggling printed copies of this English Bible into his homeland! Making the Bible available to his countrymen made Tyndale an outlaw in England. Government and church officials plotted to arrest him and try him for heresy.  A tribunal of the Roman empire condemned him as a heretic and turned him over to civil authorities, who bound him to a beam, strangled him with a rope, burned his body and scattered his remains. In other words, "church" officials executed a man for translating and distributing the words of Jesus in a language that adults and children could actually read and understand.  Thanks to the courage of men like Tyndale, Huss, Luther and others, the ekklesia of Jesus became a movement once again through the Protestant reformation.

In chapter four, he talks about a church for church people vs church for unchurched people. However, the corollary of being a church for unchurched people was that we had a tendency to be against everything unchurched people were for. We were against just about everything at one time or another. We were against certain genres of music, alcohol, gay people, etc. But, asked Andy, who is the church really for? Who gets to participate? How good do you have to be? Which sins, if any, disqualify a person? How much baggage does a person have to leave at the door before being admitted? Can someone participate in a church if he or she is still working things out? There is something inside of us that would like definitive answer on every nuance of every issue. As Andy said, he grew up around people who believed that the church was for saved people who acted like saved people. The catch was they were the ones who decided what act like a saved person meant. They were the ones who determined which sins saved people could commit and which ones were evidence of being unsaved. But the irony is the lists changed every few years - for example, divorce was on the list for a long time. But that one began mysteriously disappearing in the 1970s. He reminded us that if there is a right way of doing things, then there is a wrong way as well and nobody wants to be wrong! The issue is: is that issue worth fighting for? We are not mistakers in need of correction. We are sinners in need of a Savior. We need more than a second chance. We need a second birth.

Andy also talked about communications in that chapter. He says, and I heartily agree that there are several questions that his church has decided ahead of time not to answer via emails. But their staffs would sit down and discuss in person. Andy has a very positive outlook - he says that he would try to read all the critical emails and letters because as he says correctly, that he does not learn much from people who agree with him. He wholeheartedly agree that both grace and truth are the two equal pillars that must balance the foundation of the church. It is easy to side into either side.

Chapter six is slightly similar to chapter four on how we, as a church, has been barking at the wrong tree on many occasions. He started off the chapter by saying that if you want to know what people mean by what they say, watch what they do. Actions do not only speak louder than words, actions should be used to interpret words. In the early church, thousands of Jews and converts to Judaism embraced Jesus as Messiah. These early followers of Christ did not consider themselves converts to a new religion but simply a fulfillment of what had been promised through Abraham and the prophets. However, as the message spread, eventually the message outflowed into non-Jewish regions. Gentiles heard and believed and some of the Jewish apostles like Paul became intentional with their Gentile evangelistic efforts. However, whereas Jews in the Jesus gatherings did not consider themselves as converts, the Gentiles believers did. They viewed themselves as converts from paganism. The question was: What exactly were they converting to?  In their minds, they were leaving their pagan beliefs to become followers of Jesus. They did not view their conversions as conversions to Judaism. And that was a problem for the Jewish believers because in their Jewish minds, how could someone become a follower of the Jewish Messiah without becoming Jewish? It is easy to understand why these first-century Jewish Jesus followers felt a bit uneasy or even offended with this sudden influx of non-Jewish outsiders. Whereas Gentile believers abandoned their pagan beliefs, they did not abandon their pagan behaviors. Gentile believers brought their Gentile customs, habits and values right along with them, many of which were highly offensive to the Jews or even sacrilegious especially their eating habits. They knew nothing about the Sabbath, ceremonial cleansing or any of the traditions that made Saturday a day set apart. It was messy! The logical solution then was to require the Gentile Christians to become Jewish. How to do that? Just give them a list and this include circumcision! (Acts 15:1).

Churches should not do anything that makes in unecessarily difficult for people who are turning to God. As Acts 15:19 says:
Therefore I judge that we should not trouble those from among the Gentiles who are turning to God (Act 15:19 NKJV)

In chapter 8, Andy shared a grim story from the life of Steve Jobs as told in Steve's biography volume written by Walter Isaacson. As a young boy, Steve Jobs attended a Lutheran church with his parents. At age 13, he asked the pastor, "If I raise my finger, will God know which one I'm going to raise even before I do it?" The pastor answered, "Yes, God knows everything." Jobs then pulled out a Life magazine cover depicting starving children in Biafra and asked his pastor, "Does God know about this and what's going to happen to those children?" The well-intentioned pastor answered, "Steve, I know you don't understand, but yes, God knows about that." Jobs declared that he didn't want to worship such a God, walked out of the church, and never went back.  Andy said that how our interpretation of the events around us shape our next course of action and how simplistic answers can turn away people from God.

Chapter 12 contains some interesting stories demonstrating how we had been barking at the wrong tree from time to time. Every innovation has an expiration date. At some point, new isn't new anymore, regardless of what the package says. Eventually, new new feel like yesterday's news. Bread is not the only thing that gets stale over time. Every new and innovative approach to ministry has an expiration date as well. Every single one. Nothing is irrestible or relevant forever. The danger is: some churches have not seen a new idea in decades. Oddly enough, these are often the churches that are most resistant to change. In other words, everything that is currently in place began as a challenge to the status quo in a previous generation. What's ugly now was beautiful then. What feels like irrelevant now was cutting edge once upon a time.

For example, once a upon a time, the only musical instruments considered appropriate for church were the piano and organ. Drums were "worldly." Electric guitars were "satan's instrument." Even preachers had to preach an entire message on whether it was ok to clap in church" ok to peach during Sunday evening service but not during morning service, or what? New ideas are generally considered bad ideas. Then they become normative. Then, eventually they are yesterday's news. Nothing is new or innovative forever. Your best idea, the one that other churches emulate and take credit for, will eventually become obsolete. We are foolish to assume our ideas are transgenerational. However, the way things are done at your church is so deeply ingrained that often you will meet resistance at every turn. Andy further elaborated this issue in the following chapter on mission versus model. The changes people resist are changes associated with way ministry is done, the model the church has adopted. Unfortunately, because the model defines the church, more than anything, the model determines the status quo. "This is how we do it here. This is who we are." Over time, churches fall in love with their models. But models are meant to be a means to an end. Models are created to support the mission of the church. And one of the primary reasons churches are empty is because church leaders love their models more than they love people.

In chapter 14, he lists a series of questions that all of us should ask from time to time to provoke us in the way we do church (pages 302-04). One of the quotes that I like very much is in this chapter is this:
"If you want to know what people mean by what they say, watch what they do. Actions not only speak louder than words, they interpret an individual's words."
In the final paragraph of this chapter, he quoted another quote from Craig Groeschel:

"To reach people no one else is reaching, we must do things no one else is doing."
In the closing chapter, Andy shared an interesting story on the parable of the credit card.

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