The Grad’s Guide to Choosing Well is published by Navpress under its TH1NK line of materials. It explores common tough issues and temptations teens and young adults will likely face as they head out for life on their own in colleges. These issues covered in the book are:
Future
Sexual Temptations
Dealing with friends and roommates
Dealing with family members
Practicing integrity in studies and work
Living out my Christian faith
Getting connected with a local church
Who am I? Identity issue
Making use of my free time
Handling money
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.
(Proverbs 3:5-6, The Message)
Using Proverbs 3:5-6 as a foundation for making choices and setting priorities in daily life, this guide follow a pre-set format of the so-called Choice Matrix where each line of Prov 3:5-6 forms a domain by itself. The four domains in the choice matrix are:
1. Trust God from the bottom of your heart This domain is about trusting the prompting of the Holy Spirit inside you to do and not do certain things. This domain also include drawing insights from previous lessons you have learned through your growing up years and thanking God in faith that through this issue you are going to face, He will make the best out of it.
2. Don't try to figure out everything on your own. This is about getting advice and wisdom from people around, especially from somebody more senior than ourselves.
3. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go This is about digging into the written Word of God and see what this has to say regarding the issue you are facing
4. He's the one who will keep you on track. This final domain is about drawing insights and lessons you have learned through your handling of the issue at hand and trusting God to give you the best, and molding you into the person He intends and so the cycle repeat itself.
Overall, although this book has covered the essential contemporary issues faced by young people, I find the writing of this book to be rather plain and to an extent, monotonous. It is hard to dig out the gems and "life lessons" out from the stories. It lacks specificity when it comes to dealing with a particular issue. I wish this book would have at least some charts, figures, more captions, etc.
**************************** Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” ****************************
As Christians, we often expect God to show up the way we thought He would or even He should. When He does not, at times we are forced to abandon our initial plans and hopes, and have to turn to Plan B. What is Plan B? Simply defined, Plan B is the alternative plan that we have to adopt when the dreams, wishes, goals, expectations in our initial plan, Plan A, are shattered. What do we do? This is precisely what Pete Wilson, lead pastor of Cross Point Church, expounded on.
Pete started off by inviting the readers to face up a reality of life that we often wish we can escape: Plan B is not an exception, but rather it is an inevitable reality. Plan B does not just happen to some people. Plan B happens to everyone at some point of time.
Yet, as Christians we often assume God wants us well, and our lives would be smooth sailing all throughout. We may not even admit it, but we are pretty sure God is going to sweep down and provide for us the way only He could. And that is when we get ourselves into all kinds of troubles as we assume God must think and act the way we do.
Inevitably, dreams do get shattered; hopes dashed, and expectations failed. And when that happen, we often run away as an escape mechanism (Chapter 2). Not only do we run away, many of us do actually fall into some forms of addiction. Addiction has become the most common way for us to deal with our pain.
Nevertheless, Plan B also often forces us to change our perspectives. Pete said that from his experience, often people in their dying moments, almost always talk about how they finally "get it." They understand that they've spent too much of their lives worrying about things that weren't worth worrying about, and fearing things that just weren't worth fearing (page 58). Worry saps our energy. As Earl Nightingale put it: only 8% of all our worries are real, legitimate worries. Ninety-two percent are pure fog with no substance at all.
Not only that, for some, having to abandon Plan A because of failures, and unexpected turns of events can paralyze us with fear (Chapter 5). The way out is to replace these fear of the unknown with a healthy fear of God. To quote Oswald Chamber:
"The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else. whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else."
In essence, the greatest illusion is the illusion of control (Chapter 3). The fact that we have to abandon Plan A to adopt Plan B does not mean that our lives are spinning out of control, it simply means that we are often not in control of our circumstances!
Unfortunately, the tragedy, is that when life is not turning out like the way we have hoped it will, we almost always fall back to our default mode: God has abandoned us (page 69, Chapter 6). Pete then illustrated this with the personal tragedy of Tammy Trent. This naturally brings us to the question of God's will. Is this God's will for me? Is that not God's will for me? I like what Pete said on page 75 (Chapter 6):
When people ask me how they can know God's will for their lives, I tell them the best first step is to know God. Beyond that, I really don't have any steps.
Knowing God's will is not a science. There is no magical equation. Sometimes we get it all wrong. In fact, as Pete put it, it is often a matter of trial and error. At times we may encounter roadblocks as Paul did in Acts 16. Yet, Acts 16:6 says that Paul was"kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia" (NIV). It was the Holy Spirit Himself who kept Paul away from preaching in the province of Asia. As Erwin McManus said, part of the problem is that we are asking the wrong questions.
In fact, it is the Plan Bs that help shape us into the persons God want us to be. Pete quoted Erwin McManus again, saying:
"The process of becoming the person God wants us to become usually doesn't come from success, success, success. It's loss, success, failure, success, heartbreak, success, disappointment, success."
We need to allow God to be God. Andy Stanley said (quoted in page 98):
"Every day we have this choice to make - Am I going to define God by interpreting my circumstances or am I going to simply trust that God is who He says He is?"
In fact, in many occasions, we are living in Plan B because we have usurped God's throne. Sin occurs when we, instead of gratefully accept life and other gifts of life as gifts, we demand them, we seize them as if they are owed to us. My lust, my pride, my anger, my lack of forgiveness - all that comes from a heart that believes I am entitled to something.
Chapter 8 of the book deals with the subject of darkness. For many, we are often plunged into a depth of darkness when we have to live in Plan B. One of the results of darkness is doubt. We doubt about the goodness of God. Yet, Pete helped us to look at doubt in another way. The fact that we doubt is because we believe. Put it another way, if you have faith, you will always be susceptible to doubt. An unbeliever does not have to doubt; unbeliever does not even have the capacity to doubt, because he can't doubt something he does not believe in the very first place.
Chapter 9 deals with the role of community support when we have to adopt Plan B. Quoting writer Anne Lamott, the most powerful sermon in the world consists of two words: me too. Knowing that there is someone out there who understands the pain we have gone through, and who himself or herself has gone through the similar process of pain, gives us hope and strength. And that's the gift of community. But often we pretend. We dare not face who we really are. But we can't benefit from the power of community until we dare face who we really are.
As Thomas Merton said (quoted in page 129):
"There is no greater disaster in spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with realities outside and above us."
Many of us fear of our nakedness, emptiness, hollowness. So long as we keep pretending that we have it all together, we will probably keep missing the hope our community offers us, because we can only be loved to the extent we are known. To put it another way, as long as I have hidden stuff from you, my heart is going to reject your offer of love and friendship. I'll keep thinking, "If you knew the real me, you wouldn't say that." Often, however, the church compounds and perpetuates the problem. These moments of authentic surrender like Jesus talks about seem to be rare in churches today. Essentially, churches have the attitude of what Pete described as "bring your Bibles, bring your religion, bring your mask, but don't bring your problem." Well, the way the church responds may have to do with fear - we fear that we won't have the answers to people living in Plan B. Therefore, people in churches often fail to bring their real problems to church. Often, in churches, we don't hear of stuffs until it is too late. They are filled with the "what if"s: What if the divorced couple could have shared the problem of pornography earlier on?What if the suicide victim could have shared the problem of overwhelming darkness surrounding him?.......
In other words, the irony is, Christian community can be a dangerous place when your dreams shatter because Christians can be guilty of cliched answers, untruthful promises, and false expectations.
Therefore, Chapter 10 exposes some of the myths on Christianity. Being a Christian does not mean we have all the answers! (page 145). Chapter 10 also exposes us to the idols we often hold on to, and urges the reader to let go of these idols and to embrace the Cross.
Chapter 11 is a continuation of Chapter 10 - the hope and power that we can have in the Cross of Christ. It urges the readers to hold on to the Cross - the Anchor during the storm of life. God has been with us all the while. And when I feel distant from Him, it is not because He has left, it is because we have drifted away.
Chapter 12 is about waiting - something which many of us do not enjoy much of it. Yet, the Bible is full of accounts of people who had been on the waiting game (see Hebrews 11:13): Abraham and Sarah (Gen 11 - 21), Jacob (Gen 28-29), Joseph (Gen 30:20 - 41:39), John the Baptist (John 14:1-12), Noah (Gen 6-7), etc.
Chapter 13 is about transformation through tragedy - more or less a summary of points covered in many previous chapters.
Chapter 14, the final chapter, reminds us that ultimately in dealing with our Plan B, there is no such pre-packaged set of answers to all the Plan Bs. It is about a journey. A journey with God, to allow Him to change us and shape us into the person He wants us to be along the journey.
In short, reading this book reminds me of Philip Yancey's Where is God When It Hurts and Disappointment With God. Many of the points covered here are covered in these two books as well. But Pete's writing is refreshing. It is written with a tone of compassion and warmth.
************************* Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” *************************
For weeks I have been waiting for this book, not just because one of my comments in John's blog is featured in the book (page 35, Chapter 2), but because this book is loaded with so much wisdom, practical tips, quotes, etc that have to do with more than just the topic of connecting with others. I would say, this book is another indispensable book from John. Typical of John's style, he has packed in so much goodies in it that one can go back to the book, re-read it again and again, and yet there are still things one can learn from it.
As an outline, this book is divided into 2 parts. In Part 1, John shared FIVE essential principles of connecting: 1. Connecting Increases Your Influence in Every Situation 2. Connecting Is All About Others 3. Connecting Goes Beyond Words 4. Connecting Always Require Energy 5. Connecting Is More Skill Than Natural Talent
In Part 2, John shared FIVE connecting practices that one should cultivate: 6. Connectors Connect on Common Ground 7. Connectors Do the Difficult Work of Keeping It Simple 8. Connectors Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys 9. Connectors Inspire People 10. Connectors Live What They Communicate
Some highlights in this book which have particularly inspired me (especially in my role as a lecturer) and these include:
The seven-second rule by Roger Ailes who said, "You have just 7 seconds to make a good first impression."
People will not always remember what you said, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The great teacher demonstrates.
The measure of a great teacher isn't what he or she knows, it's what the students know.
************************* Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” *************************
I received the following story from my friend. Not sure how true it is, but certainly it makes a point humorously!
***************** Subject: A Smart Judge
Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day!
Gotta love this Judge! You must read this....a proper decision by the courts...for a change.
FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY In Florida , an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God..' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."
I am currently taking a distance learning education (correspondence course) from Global University through their International Correspondence Institute office in Malaysia (to learn more about the courses in Malaysia, contact them through this email address: gicimag@gmail.com).
While browsing through the Global University official website, I found out that one of their websites contain lots of good free downloadable materials in pdf version. Click here (http://www.globalreach.org/index.cfm) to view the various bible studies materials available from Global Reach website.
The materials are divided into three categories: 1. Find God 2. Christian Life 3. Christian Service
Dr. David Jeremiah's book “Living With Confidence In A Chaotic World” is one such wealth of gem full of clear, straight-forward, uncompromising biblical wisdom and richly illustrated with supporting real-life stories, eye-opening statistical facts, all packed in a single volume.
As the world that we know now that is sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of despair, economic downturn, natural and man-made disasters, moral decay, Dr. Jeremiah offers hope and confidence in the midst of the difficult times we are in. In it, he outlined ten habits (that starts with the letter “c”) we must establish that will form a pattern for living with certain hope in our uncertain times:
We need to stay calm in our hearts (John 14:1-6)
We need to stay compassionate toward others (1 Thess 3:12)
We need to stay constructive in building others up (1 Thess 5:11, Eph 4:29, Rom 14:19)
We need to stay challenged diligently to live up the Christian life (2 Peter 1:1-10)
We need to stay connected to the church (Hebrews 10:22-25)
We need to stay centered in Christ (Col 3:1-4)
We need to stay confident in your faith (1 Peter 3:15)
We need to stay consistent in your walk (1 John 2)
We need to stay committed to the Word (James 5:7-11)
We need to stay certain of His coming (Romans 13:13-15)
This is certainly a good book to read, yet a little suggestion here: with such a heavy amount of statistical facts, it would be better if the author could illustrate these statistical facts with diagrams, pie charts, figures, tables that would enhance and capture the impact of these facts.
Below are highlights of the book that I find particularly interesting to me:
On page 1 - 2, the author describes on weather warfare employed by certain nations - a new science of weather modification, tailor-made for their own benefits. China did that during the Beijing summer Olympics 2008. The US Air Force is determined to "own the weather" by 2025. Such weather warfare and modification can be extremely disturbing knowing the facts that earthquake could be triggered by well-placed underground nuclear explosion; volcanoes could be cooked up, typhoons and tsunamis could be triggered.
On page 45, the author highlights some of the 20th century's most famous atheists: Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mao ZeDong, and how these atheists, without the presence of a personal God, can results only in tearing down the world, rather than building up.
I was particularly inspired and touched by the heroic story of Professor Liviu Librescu duringn the Virginia Tech massacre (page 67-69). Librescu, a 75-year-old Holocaust survivor and professor of mechanical engineering, was in the middle of teaching one of his popular classes at Norris Hall yesterday when Seung-Hui Cho tried to enter the room. As his students start jumping out the windows of the second-floor room, Librescu stayed behind to block the door, according to his students. He was killed by the gunman.
On page 94, the author challenges his readers that although many of us may have hundreds of "friends" in social networking sites such as Facebook, this can never replace the soul-to-soul connection, especially during tough times. In fact, the Church should have a vision of "20/20", as described in Acts 20:20 that says:
"....I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house" (NASB)
It was saddening to hear the stories of Christians in North Korea. To be a follower of Christ in North Korea is equivalent to being a traitor to the government regimen, where only worship of the Kim Jong Il and his late father is permitted. North Korea has been "holding" the top spot on Open Doors World Watch List for more than seven years. (Click here to view the latest Watch List)
In Chapter six also, the author mentioned a financial principle found in Randy Alcorn's The Treasure Principle, where Alcorn offered the illustration that just as we will be interested to know the developments and progresses of the companies that we have investment in, when we invest in God's kingdom, our minds and hearts follow in the same way. For example, if we begin sending money to help African children with AIDS, we will begin to read more on that subject.
Pages 158 - 159 talk about the story of Corrie ten Boom and how she began to understand why the Word of God is referred to as her "Hiding Place."
Chapter 9 opens with the shocking suicide story of Adolf Merckle - one of the Germany's top ten richest man. Merckle made a speculative investment based on his belief that Volkswagen shares would fall; however, in October 2008, Porsche SE's support of Volkswagen sent shares on the Xetra dax from €210.85 to over €1000 in less than two days, resulting in losses estimated in the hundreds of millions of dollars for Merckle. Adolf Merckle committed suicide on January 5, 2009 by throwing himself in front of a train near his hometown of Blaubeuren.
On page 221, the author discussed on the saddened declining moral standard among Christians, particularly with regards to pornography viewing, according to a National Review Online update.
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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers aspart of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” *******************************************
Jerry started off the book by drawing the attention of the readers to the spiritual condition of the Corinthians church during Paul's time. Despite the mess and sins in the church of Corinth at that time, Paul addressed them as saints (2 Cor 1:1 and 1 Cor 1:2).
How could Paul address them as saints? Paul similarly used the word in other places like in Romans 1:7; 16:15; 1 Cor 1:2 and 2 Cor 1:1.
Jerry then explained that the Greek word used for "sainthood" and "holy" is "Hagios", which refers, not to the character, but rather a state of being (being set apart, separated for God) (1 Cor 6:19-20).
What are we separated for? Titus 2:14 says that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works (Titus 2:14, NKJV). In other words, we are set apart so that we will be zealous for good works. We don't become saints by our own effort. We are "made" saints by God Himself.
Yet, as Jerry pointed out, if we are honest with ourselves, we know that nearly every waking hour, we sin in thoughts, words and deeds. Our best motives are often stained with impure or mixed thoughts and intentions. Why such discrepancy between what God has promised for us with what we actually experienced in our daily lives? Galatians 5:17 says that it is because of the desire of our flesh."For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish." (Gal 5:17 NKJV).
1 Peter 2:11 calls is a war. "Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (1 Peter 2:11 NKJV).
Unfortunately, it is not only that we are waging war against the lust or desires of the flesh, but we often soften our concept of sins. We categorise sins. We tend to evaluate our character and conduct based on the moral culture we live in. Often times, as we think of the blatant and obvious sins around us such as murder, rape, stealing, etc, we tend think of ourselves better than those committing such criminal offenses. We tolerate certain sins while condemning the obvious ones such as mentioned above. We let ourselves off the hook by saying that our sins of selfishness, critical spirit, impatience, anger, judgmentalism, etc are not as bad as the "sins of the world."
And this book is exactly about - addressing those sins that we often think are "respectable" or "tolerable". Unfortunately, every sin is serious because every sin essentially breaks God's law. And sin essentially is about "missing the mark", falling short of God's holy standard.
Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. (1Jn 3:4 NKJV)
And sins are cancerous; sins can spread to other believers; the sins that we tolerate can grow into something more serious. For example, the sin of anger, can grow into hatred, jealousy, etc.
The first six chapters of this book are a general description, dealing with the problems of sins, and the direction we should take towards the problem of sins. From chapter seven onwards, Jerry dealt with specific "tolerable" sins, one in each chapter. These are:
- Ungodliness - Anxiety and Frustration - Discontentment - Unthankfulness - Pride - Selfishness - Lack of Self-control - Impatience and irritability - Anger - Judgmentalism - Envy, Jealousy and related sins - Sins of the tongue - Worldliness
In Chapter six, Jerry pointed out some general ways that we should be heading towards in dealing with the problem of respectable sins: 1. Apply the Gospel Jerry devoted an entire chapter (Chapter 4) to discuss on this important aspect. As Jerry puts it in Chapter 4: "The remedy for our sin, whether scandalous or acceptable, is the gospel in its widest scope.....[The gospel in its widest scope means that] Christ, in His Work for us and in us, saves us not only from the penalty of sin but also from its dominion or reigning power in our lives."
A very interesting practice that Jerry himself applied is "preaching the gospel to yourself every day". I agree with Jerry that this is an effective and important discipline we can develop. Not only do we need to preach it to ourselves every day, but we should also personalize it to ourselves, as Paul did in Gal 2:20:
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Gal 2:20 NKJV)
See also 1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1Jn 4:10 NKJV)
[*Suggested verses by Jerry to personalize: Ps 103:12, Isa 43:25, Isa 53:6, Rom 4:7-8, Rom 8:1, Psa 130:3-4, Isa 1:18, Micah 7:19, Eph 1:&, Col 2:13-14, Heb 8:12, 10:17-18].
As Jerry said, the gospel is vital for Christians because:
a. The gospel helps us to see who we are - although we are truly saints in the sense of being separated unto God, all of us are still practicing sinners. The gospel helps to plow the ground of our hearts so that we can see our sin.
b. The gospel frees me up to face my sins. The gospel assures me that my sins are forgiven, and therefore, I am free to acknowledge and deal with it.
c. The gospel motivates and energizes me to grow my Christ-like character. Rom 8:13, Col 3:5
2. Depend on the Holy Spirit Jerry also devoted an entire Chapter (Chapter 5) on the issue of the power of the Holy Spirit in this aspect.
As mentioned in Chapter 5, some of the ways the Holy Spirit works in us in bringing conviction of sin, include:
He causes us to see our so-called "respectable" sins as sins really!
He works through the Scripture (2 Tim 3:16)
He works through our conscience
He empowers us to deal with these sins (See Romans 8:13, Philippians 2:12-13, 4:13)
He brings into our lives the circumstances that are designed to cause us to grow spiritually.
We are responsible to put to death the acceptable sins in our lives; we cannot simply lay this responsibility on God, ad sit back and watch; yet at the same time, we are dependent. We cannot make one inch of spiritual progress apart from His enabling power.
3. Recognize your responsibility (as explained in the previous paragraph above) Work as if it all depends on you, and yet trust as if you did not work at all"
4. Identify specific respectable sins in our individual lives
5. Memorize and apply specific Scriptures
6. Cultivate the practice of prayer
7. Involve a few believers with you - a sense accountability
In a way, I find this book "difficult" to read, it was not an easy read but it is a very vital read because as I read, the Holy Spirit, like a gentle surgeon, took the surgical blade and cut through the specific malignant areas of sins in my life.
